It's REALLY been a long time, huh?

I guess blogging is not my thang. I like the thought of it, but... it seems to be a very easy way to be immature. I guess that's why it was so appealing to me tonight. I hurt... that's what I have to say. I always hurt, but today, I hurt more than usual. I have been let down by a person who ALWAYS lets me down. I know it sounds ridiculous, but this time... I held out for a miracle. That's what would have had to occur in this case. So... I guess I'm not actually hurt, but... disappointed.

In reality, I'd rather reserve miracles for a true calling... my children. I want any miracle reserved for me, if any, to be applied to my kids. I guess what I meant to say earlier is... I would have liked to have observed a miracle happening. Alas... I have not. What I have seen is someone I care for falling further down the rabbit hole of fucked upedness. He doesn't see it that way, of course.

In truth, I don't want him. I feel responsible for him, and it sucks. I know rationally, he'd be okay. BUT... on the wrong day, at the wrong time... my words could trigger something. A word from ANYONE could trigger something. It's tiresome. I just wish, for one minute, that he gave a shit about himself instead of leaving it up to his adoring masses.