Every Ting Gonna Be Alright...

I hope. I'm trying hard to have a mellow outlook on things... I really am. The cynic in me is a huge presence... HUGE, and I hate that. I always have these internal conflicts between good and bad. I always want to have faith in people, but it's always tinged with doubt. Try as i might, I can't shake it. I guess it's like trying to unring a bell... impossible.

So... what's the cure for it? How can I rid myself of this bad attitude? Is it possible to renew ones faith in mankind? Can I really forgive and forget? If I do, it seems I have to forget everything I've learned to protect myself. I'll have no defenses. I'll have no protective shield. I'll have no witty comebacks to seemingly insulting comments.

I don't know... would it be worth it?

I'm starting to believe it would. It's really easy to believe the worst about people, and I'm sick of it. We've all messed up... some, more than others, yet... we've all made mistakes. I've made MANY! Who in the hell do I think I am? Somewhere along the line I began to think I'm an authority on screwing up, and that gave me the right to judge others mistakes. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I'm just hoping this just a "phase" I'm going through, and that it will end soon! LOL!

Honestly... I am starting to mellow with age. I LOVE the people in my life, and I certainly hope they know that. I am harsh at times, I know that. I always try to explain myself to those I've offended. I'm just a passionate person and sometimes speak before thinking. For that, I do apologize. I am not sorry for who I am, though.

I do have regrets, everyone does. Some people cringe when they see me, some people smile. That's cool. I'd rather evoke some kind of reaction, than none. It's sad, but I've only really learned one thing in life... You can't please everyone, so be who you really are.

It's just difficult to wear who you really are on your sleeve.