It's finally hit me...

that... had the moon and stars aligned, I would have been celebrating my 23 anniversary today. But, alas... it was not to be. Even if we had remained married, 21years is as far as we could have gone. My ex-husband passed away in April of last year. I don't know why I thought of it this year, in all honesty. I never remember the anniversary on it's actual date.

What's bizarre is that I think of Ronnie almost every day because my son looks so much like him. It's a thing you get used to, I guess. You see one, you see the other. It doesn't even register with me, most days. I looked at my son today, though... and it all came rushing in.

Ronnie and I had a great couple years that I cherish in my heart, but it soon fell to pieces. Ronnie was 10 years older than me and had some habits I was just too naive and ill equipped to recognize in the beginning. I don't think he realized he had problems himself. Living life day to day, as we do, makes it difficult to recognize patterns of abuse. Be it alcoholism, drug abuse, or a gambling addiction... which is what Ronnie suffered from. It proved to be devastating for us, and I had to end the cycle. We never hated each other, and in fact, neither one of us remarried. BUT... I'm not dead yet! :P

I do feel though, that I need to share what Ronnie meant to me. He gave me my son... one of the most intelligent, talented people I know. He opened my mind and heart to real music. He told me not to focus on what is popular, but what is good... regardless of the genre it falls in. My pride would not allow me to get past his imperfections in order to recognize his perfections, and for that, I'm truly sorry.

This one's for you, baby.